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Pirate Humor

"One day a pirate ship was cruising the waters of the Caribbean when the forward scout cried out, "Captain! I have two vessels in the distance! They're approaching with warflags!"
Undaunted the Captain turned to his First Mate and sternly said, "Fetch me my red shirt!" The mate did as ordered, ran below decks and returned with the garment. The Captain put the red shirt on as the gangplanks were lowered! Buccanneers drew their swords and clashed! A tremendous and bloody battle ensued but then it was over the Captain was victorious. His crew plundered the two vessels and sank them.
Several days later the forward scout cried out again. "Captain! I have five vessels on the horizon and they're approaching us with warflags!" Again the Captain looked at his First Mate and said, "Fetch me my red shirt."
Doing as ordered but a bit puzzled, the mate ran below decks and returned with the shirt. The Captain put it on as the five enemy vessels came alongside, lowered gangplanks and boarded! Musket and pistol shots rang out! Swords clashed and men screamed! Cannons roared and splintered the decks but when the smoke cleared, the five vessels had surrendered and the Captain was again victorious. His crew plundered and sank the five vessels and they celebrated.
During the midst of the revelry the First Mate stood up and said, "I don't mean to be out of line with a question Captain, but the men and I were wondering why you order me to fetch your red shirt before every battle?"
His chest swelling with pride the Captain replied, "It is a sign of my ability to lead you into battle and command! For if I am shot or stabbed while wearing this red shirt, you men will not see the blood! And in not seeing my blood you will not despair or panic that I have been wounded! Instead you will continue to fight as hard and courageously as ever!"
The men are dazzled by their Captain. A few days later though the forward scout's voice rings out from the mast. "Captain! I have fifteen enemy ships on the horizon! They're all approaching us with warflags flying!"
The First Mate confidently turns to the Captain and asks, "Sir, should I fetch your red shirt?"
"No," replies the Captain. "Today you'd better fetch me my brown pants!"

This Weeks Submission [posted Jan. 11]

Q. What's a buccanneer?
A. A pretty high price for corn!

-Submitted by John Kenner, age 12

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